I Hope I Get Pregnant in Mississippi

By Abigail Collazo, Fem 2.0

Next week, Mississippi residents will get to vote on Proposition 26, the “Personhood Amendment.” This would amend the Mississippi state constitution to include in its definition of “persons” all human beings from the moment of fertilization, cloning or functional equivalent thereof. In Mississippi at least, the question of when does life begin would be answered–when a human egg is fertilized.

And so that’s why I’m hoping that when I get pregnant, it happens in Mississippi.  As a result of this amendment being passed, here’s what I and others are anticipating as the potential consequences:

1) Fertilized eggs could potentially inherit money.

2) Fertilized eggs could potentially be counted as part of the population for purposes of political representation in government. Another Congressional seat for Mississippi, please?

3) I could potentially use HOV lanes during rush hour.

4) The concept of age could change. So those who are right now 20 years old and three months are REALLY 21 years old, since we now have to count the time spent inside the mother’s body–oh wait, I mean the incubator. Still, those new 21-year-olds could now buy lots and lots of alcohol legally. Can anyone say ‘stimulating the economy’? I want to serve my country and be a part of that!

5) Laws all over the country would be inspired to change. Cruel and unusual punishment will take on many more cases as we all debate whether it’s humane to leave a person virtually locked in a tiny, cell-like a womb for all that time. Surely that’s against our moral code? Wait, what’s that? It couldn’t SURVIVE outside the womb? Well now you’re just playing into women’s need to feel self-important.

6) Birth control could become illegal as well. 15.3 million American women use hormonal birth control, but whatevs. This means men will need to either A) always wear condoms no matter what or B) not wear a condom, significantly increase the likelihood that their partner will get pregnant, and then provide lots and lots of money in child support. In addition to, you know, having a child. Which may or may not have serious mental or physical health problems. Oh yes, and the woman could die or be seriously injured during pregnancy or birth, so you may be on your own.  But no worries. Or C) Stop having sex unless the purpose is to procreate. I’m guessing men will go for option C.

7) Outlawing of abortion entirely, even though it’s a right protected by the Supreme Court’s decision in Roe v. Wade. I guess once other states take up this amendment too, 3 out of 10 American women will have to endure a pregnancy, give birth, and support another child they don’t feel capable of safely and successfully bringing into the world and then raising. But that’s ok, because 61 percent of women who would have had those abortions already have children, so the kids’ll have company. And it’s not like raising a kid is hard or expensive. It’s just more work.

Oh there are so many good reasons for this bill to pass, and for me to get pregnant in Mississippi. I’ll have many more privileges, my kid will likely have company, my partner will stop having sex with me unless it’s to have even more kids, and then I won’t need to read so many trashy magazine articles about pleasing my man, since that will no longer be the point. I also won’t need to worry so much about my career, or pursuit of happiness, or my health, or dignity, or my own life. So really, it’s all a blessing in disguise.

The truth is, this bill will make everyone’s lives better.

Or the opposite.

But you know, whatevs. It only really affects women anyway. And everyone knows that while fertilized eggs may soon be considered people, women still aren’t.

This post is part of the #HERvotes blog carnival on the Mississippi Personhood Amendment.  For dozens of more posts about the impact of this incredibly dangerous legislation, check out www.HERVotes.us.  Then, go donate to Mississippians for Healthy Families to join the fight.

Cross-posted from Fem 2.0.

 Photo from Flickr user countylemonade under Creative Commons.

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